Currently Ed Rec, Vol. 2 By Various Artists see related

all the girls standing in a line for the bathroom

so the last couple of weeks has been quite crazy- ive hardly been sleeping spending most the night smoking skunk and waiting for the sunrise. last friday i went out to a electro club with some friends and done a crazy amout of coke -we were clearly not the only ones 80% of the people there looked coked up! it was a amaizing night every half an hour me and my friends would pile into the toilet cubicle and do lines off our credit cards then head straight back to the floor to catch busy p-feadz and justice! we met some pretty cool guys and dragged them round the club with us most the night. after all that we got back to my friends flat about 7am and we sat there feeling crap and decided to pick up again and ended up laying around the living room staring into corners of the room buzzing hearing all these noises from outside hypend in our mind for hours -then all of a sudden every 5/10mins one of us would get up and run to the toilet we were all pee'ing like crazy

we decided to get potted noodles but i didnt end up eating mine and the smell of it made me feel so sick.

in total i slept 2 and a half hours in 50 hours! after doing so much coke and it not making me want to eat got me thinking about things i hadnt thought about in weeks! i was soooooooooo clear minded i loved it.

ive gone for weeks without feeling bad about my eating -then all of a sudden i see skinny girls everywhere and im reminded of my struggle -and what i want so bad!

i planned on not eating much today but i ended up eating pasta and a huge amout of ice cream that im now feeling sick from!

so i think im going to fast tomorro! if not only allow fruit and soya yogs! i would really love someone to do it with! or just someone to talk to that i knows doing/going through the same!

i need to loose as much weight as possible in 7/8weeks!

i finally joined the gym and on the first day i went 2 and a half hours! but havent been for 2 weeks because i didnt pay them because i spent so much money going out! but i think money went through to them now.... i hope!

SKINNYS

i reallllly want skinny legs! and arms!

whats you girls gym work out like? whats best for slimming legs?

im either going to fast or eat under 200cals this week-if anyone wants to join me let me know!
i realllllllllllllly must drink lots of water too -im crazzzzy bloated!

sorry for any bad spellings i cant be botherd to check!

new friends welcome! just leave me a comment!

kisses

Im a mess but you wouldnt know it

im so pissed right now! i just had a massive argument - its amaizing how after a argument you can feel like you dont give a shit about anything! i swear nothings going right for me! i just drift around other people important lives im starting to feel like such a failure! i cant seem to get shit together- i want to do things but dont have the motivaiton! its sucks sooo much- i mean i can easily sit here looking at thinspo reading posts searching up about eating disorders checking the latest skinny celebs and the days done before i know it!

its like i cant put 2 and 2 together! i have 2 but dont know what to do with it to get to 4! well i do know what to do with it but i cant seem to get to that second 2! ugh if you get what im trying to say!?

im really starting to question myself -is this it!!!! i cant see my self moving forward i have no idea what to do to help my self-i dont know what the problem is even when i do feel like screaming out for help!

i seriously want to sit here and just cry now then lay there until early house of the morning watching shit tv feeling numb- i have to attempt to call the doctors and get a appointment for this week tho ill probly be told there all booked up! (fuckers) i feel so alone! like i have no one!

im just this thing that talks and nobody hears! im starting to hate myself

nothing ever works out for me and i have no idea why! i need advice/help but i dont know whats causing these problems in the first place to ask for help!

im sure its the add - i plan and plan then get distracted and never end up doing it/finishing it!

i better get to see the fucking doctor this week! i want some adderall! or maybe im depressed also i dunno i just want pills to help me/make me not feel this way! make me feel happy and buzzing and motivated i dunno w/e

i dont know girlies- i just want to cry so much right now-tell me if you feel/ever feel the same

hope your all doing good!

cant be botherd to spell check righ now.

kisses

Currently Antidotes By Foals see related

A little more lost then you thought

 ok so i just called my doctors to get a appointment and i got this rude woman telling me she has nothing

for this week! agh how annoying- then she tells me something about a 1stop thingy and i asked her what it is

and she goes "oh well you see the doc for 5mins and basically you just talk about one thing"

errrrr thats great and all but i want to talk about possibly (im sure i do) having ADD!

5mins wont cut it-but i cant bare to wait anylonger i need advice i need meds something!

im so fucking lost i cant stand it- sometimes i sit there feeling blank but so unwrapped!

i cant explain like i feel im sitting there feeling and doing nothing but so much is going on around me and i couldnt be more far or not apart of it!

sometimes i just honistly feel like screaming!

my whole week for fasting got messed up (not that i got to start) what with bank holiday then meeting up with friends aghh so i have decided i have to follow a low cal plan/restrict! i mean i cant keep binging then thinking its kinda ok because im going to fast on .... blah blah! its not good! i've gained from it also! my tummy is always bloated- and im joining the gym on friday and i dont think its a good idea to start having not eaten anything!

i might try abc or 2,4,6,8 but i feel 800cals is a bit much for me personally for a restriction!

funny how i can stuff my face for two weeks but then 800 seems alot! ha!

ugh i dunno- i need a plan or some kind of idea of what to eat other then grapes!

what do you girls eat on a restriction????

do you girls eat before gym? or just make sure your hydrated!?

ahh i cant waittt to go to the gym! roll on friday!

b-2 soya yogs about 170cals

l-big boal of frosties with soy milk! (addicted) have no clue about the cals! all that sugar! :(

d-tba-who knows i hatttte dinners! whats the point its not like we have a whole day to do things -were just going to go to bed! what do you girls have for dinner??

kisses

Waif

i feel....

i feel like im loosing my self! my head dont feel right i feel so lost!

when i stop i feel like my head has been taken over like things are getting deep!

almost like it was before-when i would sit there feeling deep but not be thinking a thing!

i would eat then sit in a day dream feeling taken over.

my mind is in such a deep state tho i dont know what im thinking

i dont know whats going on im just....lost!

all i want to do all the time is take hot baths while i read or stay in bed!

i go to bed late and watch random tv to help me fall asleep-and in the morning i feel so comfy and at ease in bed

i never want to get up, i just want to turn over and sleep somemore!

all i want to listen to is deep meaning full music and go on randomly long bus journeys and just stare out the window listening to my music!

i have no clue whats going on! *do you girls ever feel like this?

on another note.... i have no motivation i cant concerntrate i have to be doing something with my hands all the time!

i really want to get some adderall! anyone on it? tryed it?

i havent eaten all day! (at last) and i have only just now felt a slight huger pang (3am)

i love being empty -hungry and clear minded (almost)

"can we just dissapear til tomorro"

in her own little world

always lovely in the morning

"aint no use sitting worndering why-baby"

oh empty <3 i really do think ive lost my self!

kisses